Day XVII: Yeah, I did it. Golden Corral.

I SWEAR A LOT IN THIS BLOG, BROS. JUST WARNING YOU IN CASE YOU WERE A DUMBASS AND COULDN'T READ THE PARENTAL ADVISORY WARNING IN THE BLOG HEADER.

If one phrase could sum up my decision to eat at Golden Corral, it would be this:

SERIOUSLY, HOW DO HOMO SAPIENS EAT HERE WITHOUT DYING IMMEDIATELY AFTERWARD?

The worst part is walking in to this low-income catering fuckshop™. The scent of fat is everywhere. I'm confident scientific studies would show that each breath of air you take in a Golden Corral is 10 calories, all from polysaturated fat.

I left Golden Corral to buy a SARS mask at Home Depot. I came back and felt a bit better, though I was already somewhat full from the 15 breaths of air I took earlier.

It was time to "eat." It's a fucking buffet. You may not know this, but the word "buffet" is derived from the Latin word "fukshopus," which means FUCKSHOP™.

Every person in this nuclear wasteland weighed at least four bills. At least. Except me, duh.

It wasn't even worth taking a picture of the food, because it all looked the fucking same. Everything in this fucking place is fried beyond belief. I could have eaten fried feet or fried shit-stained laundry bags for all I knew, because IT ALL TASTED THE FUCKING SAME.

It tasted like FRIED GOODNESS.

Oh, you expected me to hate it? Are you kidding me? What decent human being hates fried food? Only bad people and child rapists dislike fried food, and even the latter enjoys a corny dog now and again.

Fried food is always good, because you have to be a real asshole to screw it up. And while there may have been at least a dozen assholes in the place when I was there, nobody fucked the food up. I don't know what the fuck it was that I ate, but it was crispy and brown and tasted like fried.

I can't go back to this place, though. For one, I can't have this interfering with my flawless physique. Furthermore, I fully intend on limiting my plebeian interaction once this godforsaken bet is over. These people talk about things like food stamps and supermarket coupons and made-for-TV movies. Fuck that.