The Seventh Day: Breakfast in HEAVEN!?

Religious folk the world over have pondered-- many a time-- what "heaven" is truly like. Some believe it's filled with clouds and the entryway is the ubiquitous pearly gates; others believe there are a handful of virgins waiting to share their loins with the newly departed. Whether you're Christian, Muslim, Pastafarian, or Jedi, I'm sure you have some thoughts on the matter.

Me? I'm not religious, but if I imagined what heaven would be like, it would most certainly be an American Airlines Admirals Club® lounge.

After arriving at the airport, I made my way through security as quickly as possible, because I was holding my breath until I could get inside the Admirals Club® lounge. The filthy stench of airport dwellers does a number on my stomach, especially early in the morning.

If you've never been in an Admirals Club® lounge, you simply must try it. The easiest way is to obtain the best charge card available on the market:

That's not a Centurion® black card, you say. You are correct. However, the Platinum Card® by American Express is superior for several reasons. First, it has a certain panache and speaks well of its holder, whereas the Centurion® black card carries a certain douche factor that is quite difficult to shake. Add the ridiculous fees and similar benefits, and you have a clear winner.  Sometimes, going all out isn't the answer.  


Back to the lounge.


I held my breath the entire way and made my way into the lounge, which, of course, features ionized, separately circulated air so I don't have to breathe the same pollutants as the cattle falling over themselves in the airport. I was greeted with a smile, a complimentary shave kit from The Art of Shaving®, and was led to the breakfast lounge by a wonderful young lady.

There, I could appreciate the numerous plasma televisions, Internet access, newspapers, and most importantly, a wonderful breakfast. For a mere $6.00, I present:

A fluffy egg sandwich on a fresh croissant with jack cheese and a deliciously ripe tomato. Sextacular.

There are several other things you should notice in this picture. One is the attractive granite table, which was present throughout the tastefully decorated lounge. The second is the silverware. It's silver.

How? Oh, that's right. Those incredible fucks give you silver plastic silverware. Yep. The brilliant people behind the Admirals Club® lounge know it is generally unacceptable to dine with plastic knives and forks. Unfortunately, there are some unshakable federal regulations in airports. To get around this most distasteful issue, they present patrons with silver plastic ware, so I can feel right at home.

Heaven.