Days 11 - 13: Corn Nuts® & The Steakhouse Shakes™

Do you feel cheated because I'm posting three days at once? Good thing I don't care.

I took a few days off with the wife to relax and take a quick midweek vacation. That means she was with me for every meal, and let me make this clear-- she wants to see me suffer. And suffer I did.

One night, we went to a nice restaurant where she enjoyed a delicious meal-- I'm talking redfish, two sides, and several glasses of wine. My meal?

Fucking bread and one glass of mediocre cab sauv. Good times. To make matters worse, some fuck sitting next to us ordered a filet mignon, medium-rare (the way it should be cooked). When the food servant brought that patron's feast, they started.

THE STEAKHOUSE SHAKES™.

My right hand started to twitch uncontrollably. Sweat started to bead down my forehead and my mouth was gasping for the blood of a thousand cows. I had to drape myself in several blankets later that night to quash wave after wave of my steaklust™.

So what do I do to curb the problem? Nothing, cockbag. The only cure is eating a good steak. I had to settle for fucking Corn Nuts® from a vending machine.

Yep. Corn Nuts®.

The only positive thing I can say about Corn Nuts® is that I sincerely appreciate the brand's overt references to testicles in its advertisements. I like when people try to sell things and somehow work testicles into the sales pitch. It's a surefire winner every time.

I need a fucking steak, bros.